Surrendering Everything?

So many times I've said the words, "I can't live without you," or "what would I do without you?" For me that's a reality right now. I began to think and still am thinking about this: What if God asked me too give everything up just to be in His presence? I mean EVERYTHING. It would become a reality to live without something. I think about times I've said stuff to my friends about "not living without them" that would be all turned around. A few weeks ago it was painful for me to be in tears and trying to get ahold of my spiritual mom and she wasn't answering her phone. It's like depending on no one but GOD! There are so many people and things that I love. My family, my *twin*, my spiritual family, my friends, my HOF kiddos, pretty much everyone I know, and then my phone, my drivers permit, my movies, my computer, my bed, my whole room, and my books (which out of all of these I love the most). Some people are called to a lifetime of surrendering all these things and more. Even if it was only for a season that I gave up everything, I still don't know if I could do it! When I was in prayer about it this scripture to my mind:


"Search me, oh God, and know my heart..." Psalm 139:23a


I want to be at that place of surrendering everything. Since I'm not there yet, God, search me, what is hindering me from being at that place? With all these things that mean so much to me, without God they would be impossible, unthinkable, unfathomable, well you get the point. Anyways I long and truly desire to live a life completely all about God. He is my ALL. I can't live apart from Him.


There's one last thing that I need to mention:


I don't want anyone to think that I believe that God would want me to surrender my friends!! I 100% believe that God gave them to me but sometimes I depend on them more than I do God. I know for a fact that I need to surround myself with God-fearing people so that they can keep me accountable and I can do the same for them. Without them I would be lost. It was, in fact, because a friend prayed for me that I am where I am now! Thank you Jesus for my friends but I pray that I will depend on you to meet my needs more than I do on my friends!


-Jesus Mighty Jesus