I can't open my eyes because your presence is so bright.
I'm not worthy to come near,
So I will be content to hear;
To listen to your voice as you sing over me.
You beckon to my heart,
You say to let go; to let you in.
You say that you want to open my eyes to your brightness as you heal
those fractured places and shattered faces in my soul.
I choose instead to hesitate and procrastinate until I miss your call...
I push and pull and rant and run away,
Until I feel as if I can't come to you any more.
Then I'm left standing still...
I can't open my eyes because your presence is so bright.
I'm not worthy to come near,
So I will be content to hear;
To listen to your voice as you sing over me.
So now I'm right back at the start,
at the place where you beckon to my heart.
Maybe this time I'll make the right choice.
No more broken cycles.
No more games.
Just You.
Just You.
~From one who is blind~
Wednesday, October 28
Tuesday, October 27
To Frolic or To Fight?
Several conversations had taken place within the last few days of my life. Conversations about being "too radical" so as to offend others and discussions about loving others rather than calling them and exhorting one another, in love, to living a life of holiness. I found my heart aching within me as to the gray dismay that we as followers of God Almighty find ourselves in.
I began to chew on these thoughts later and found myself amazed at where we have gone as a people. Everyone wants to talk about love this and love that. It's all too comfortable to sit around a Bible study with our cups of coffee and our complacent slippers on as we talk about the love the Father has for us. I have yet to walk into a study where we are discussing the pure holiness of God and just how much we fall short. That's real talk, that's raw. I don't want to just feel the hug of God and skip along, I want to feel His fire and burn.
Please don't get me wrong. The love that the Father has for us is something that is life altering. I remember several months ago one night when I was at prayer and a song came on talking about God the Father and how He loves us. And for the first time in 28 years, it penetrated my heart. I believed it to be true, and that was something so new and refreshing to me. I remember just crying with joy at the thought. I'll never forget that night, and I long to go back to that place again. It is crucial and good to celebrate the love of God and to share that with others. By all means, Jesus told us the greatest commandment was to love Him first and with everything, but that the second was like it: Love others. We must walk and live in love. But I am afraid we have crossed a line, and we must get back.
Too many people want to frolic around in the love of God, but you never hear of people getting excited or enthralled with running hard after holiness. I've been thinking about this holiness thing lately. God doesn't give us an option. It's a command, He says: "Be holy because I am holy." (Leviticus 19:2) I was talking with someone and we were talking about this idea of love versus holiness. A wise person once said, I care about our friendship but I love you more to be honest. Amen and amen! How refreshing it is! Iron sharpens iron! I don't want a hug, I don't want a pat on the back. I don't want to be a part of cuddley Christianity. What I do want is to strive for holiness in every area of my life, and I want people to call me on that. There is nothing self-righteous or "holier than thou" about any of this. But you see, for those merely living to frolic in this "love thing", it does feel uncomfortable. Because here's the deal: I'm not judging you. Who am I? Just a broken sinner in need of God's grace like you! But what you feel is the conviction of the Holy Spirit. Don't pin that on me. The Scriptures talk all the time of people who have hardened their hearts and not heard the voice of the Lord. We've all been there; the truth is, sometimes we just don't want to hear what He has to say.
This business of complacency and mediocrity within the church today must get shut down. We must get to that place where we have a Ztp (Zero Tolerance Policy) with regards to these things. God is not looking to raise up another choir, He is raising up an army. The church doesn't need another basket of cookies in the name of love, we need a burning of fire in the name of holiness. When things burn, the impurities rise to the top. The less of us there is, the more of Jesus there is. Everyone wants the hug, nobody wants the burn.
I have looked at my life and asked what has shaped me and changed me in so many ways. While that night of revelation of God's love for me was huge, it didn't change me. But when I looked into the eyes of fire and read in the Word who Jesus was, and still is, and then I look in the mirror, I am horrified by my own falling short and say God Almighty have mercy upon my filthy soul. Come and burn me up. Come consume me. And then when I yield myself to Him and to the sharpening, oh how things begin to change.
Soldiers in an army don't just kick back and relax at the injustice around them. A fighter doesn't quit after taking one and getting knocked down. A warrior doesn't go into battle half-hearted. Oh that the church would rise up and be what the church was intended to be! Oh that the people of God would run after holiness like we do our own selfish goals and desires! Oh that the warriors of God's army would dare to fight for holiness for once! I don't want to just sit in my armor, enlisted and not moving, loved but not living! Today I choose to fight, after all, King Jesus is a mighty warrior! Come and burn me up oh God, consume me with your fire!
I began to chew on these thoughts later and found myself amazed at where we have gone as a people. Everyone wants to talk about love this and love that. It's all too comfortable to sit around a Bible study with our cups of coffee and our complacent slippers on as we talk about the love the Father has for us. I have yet to walk into a study where we are discussing the pure holiness of God and just how much we fall short. That's real talk, that's raw. I don't want to just feel the hug of God and skip along, I want to feel His fire and burn.
Please don't get me wrong. The love that the Father has for us is something that is life altering. I remember several months ago one night when I was at prayer and a song came on talking about God the Father and how He loves us. And for the first time in 28 years, it penetrated my heart. I believed it to be true, and that was something so new and refreshing to me. I remember just crying with joy at the thought. I'll never forget that night, and I long to go back to that place again. It is crucial and good to celebrate the love of God and to share that with others. By all means, Jesus told us the greatest commandment was to love Him first and with everything, but that the second was like it: Love others. We must walk and live in love. But I am afraid we have crossed a line, and we must get back.
Too many people want to frolic around in the love of God, but you never hear of people getting excited or enthralled with running hard after holiness. I've been thinking about this holiness thing lately. God doesn't give us an option. It's a command, He says: "Be holy because I am holy." (Leviticus 19:2) I was talking with someone and we were talking about this idea of love versus holiness. A wise person once said, I care about our friendship but I love you more to be honest. Amen and amen! How refreshing it is! Iron sharpens iron! I don't want a hug, I don't want a pat on the back. I don't want to be a part of cuddley Christianity. What I do want is to strive for holiness in every area of my life, and I want people to call me on that. There is nothing self-righteous or "holier than thou" about any of this. But you see, for those merely living to frolic in this "love thing", it does feel uncomfortable. Because here's the deal: I'm not judging you. Who am I? Just a broken sinner in need of God's grace like you! But what you feel is the conviction of the Holy Spirit. Don't pin that on me. The Scriptures talk all the time of people who have hardened their hearts and not heard the voice of the Lord. We've all been there; the truth is, sometimes we just don't want to hear what He has to say.
This business of complacency and mediocrity within the church today must get shut down. We must get to that place where we have a Ztp (Zero Tolerance Policy) with regards to these things. God is not looking to raise up another choir, He is raising up an army. The church doesn't need another basket of cookies in the name of love, we need a burning of fire in the name of holiness. When things burn, the impurities rise to the top. The less of us there is, the more of Jesus there is. Everyone wants the hug, nobody wants the burn.
I have looked at my life and asked what has shaped me and changed me in so many ways. While that night of revelation of God's love for me was huge, it didn't change me. But when I looked into the eyes of fire and read in the Word who Jesus was, and still is, and then I look in the mirror, I am horrified by my own falling short and say God Almighty have mercy upon my filthy soul. Come and burn me up. Come consume me. And then when I yield myself to Him and to the sharpening, oh how things begin to change.
Soldiers in an army don't just kick back and relax at the injustice around them. A fighter doesn't quit after taking one and getting knocked down. A warrior doesn't go into battle half-hearted. Oh that the church would rise up and be what the church was intended to be! Oh that the people of God would run after holiness like we do our own selfish goals and desires! Oh that the warriors of God's army would dare to fight for holiness for once! I don't want to just sit in my armor, enlisted and not moving, loved but not living! Today I choose to fight, after all, King Jesus is a mighty warrior! Come and burn me up oh God, consume me with your fire!
Sunday, October 18
Surrendering Everything?
So many times I've said the words, "I can't live without you," or "what would I do without you?" For me that's a reality right now. I began to think and still am thinking about this: What if God asked me too give everything up just to be in His presence? I mean EVERYTHING. It would become a reality to live without something. I think about times I've said stuff to my friends about "not living without them" that would be all turned around. A few weeks ago it was painful for me to be in tears and trying to get ahold of my spiritual mom and she wasn't answering her phone. It's like depending on no one but GOD! There are so many people and things that I love. My family, my *twin*, my spiritual family, my friends, my HOF kiddos, pretty much everyone I know, and then my phone, my drivers permit, my movies, my computer, my bed, my whole room, and my books (which out of all of these I love the most). Some people are called to a lifetime of surrendering all these things and more. Even if it was only for a season that I gave up everything, I still don't know if I could do it! When I was in prayer about it this scripture to my mind:
"Search me, oh God, and know my heart..." Psalm 139:23a
I want to be at that place of surrendering everything. Since I'm not there yet, God, search me, what is hindering me from being at that place? With all these things that mean so much to me, without God they would be impossible, unthinkable, unfathomable, well you get the point. Anyways I long and truly desire to live a life completely all about God. He is my ALL. I can't live apart from Him.
There's one last thing that I need to mention:
I don't want anyone to think that I believe that God would want me to surrender my friends!! I 100% believe that God gave them to me but sometimes I depend on them more than I do God. I know for a fact that I need to surround myself with God-fearing people so that they can keep me accountable and I can do the same for them. Without them I would be lost. It was, in fact, because a friend prayed for me that I am where I am now! Thank you Jesus for my friends but I pray that I will depend on you to meet my needs more than I do on my friends!
-Jesus Mighty Jesus
"Search me, oh God, and know my heart..." Psalm 139:23a
I want to be at that place of surrendering everything. Since I'm not there yet, God, search me, what is hindering me from being at that place? With all these things that mean so much to me, without God they would be impossible, unthinkable, unfathomable, well you get the point. Anyways I long and truly desire to live a life completely all about God. He is my ALL. I can't live apart from Him.
There's one last thing that I need to mention:
I don't want anyone to think that I believe that God would want me to surrender my friends!! I 100% believe that God gave them to me but sometimes I depend on them more than I do God. I know for a fact that I need to surround myself with God-fearing people so that they can keep me accountable and I can do the same for them. Without them I would be lost. It was, in fact, because a friend prayed for me that I am where I am now! Thank you Jesus for my friends but I pray that I will depend on you to meet my needs more than I do on my friends!
-Jesus Mighty Jesus
Tuesday, October 13
Dropping Stones
It was a typical morning for me as I scrambled to get my hair combed as the clock kept ticking. As is always my routine, I listen to the radio every morning as I get ready. It’s pretty much the only consistent time I hear of what’s going on in the world around me. They were playing some incredible worship music that was just pointing me back to Jesus in all things and I found myself feeling ready for the day. They then had the normal news brief interruption and I was appalled at what I heard this morning. President Obama gave a speech this past weekend to those fighting for gay rights etc. Whilst I usually do not mention anything political, this one just burned too deeply on my heart to let go. The statement made was this:
“You will see a time in which we as a nation finally recognize relationships between two men or two women as just as real and admirable as relationships between a man and a woman.”
-President Barack Obama
(Read more at:http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/10/11/obamas-speech-text-transc_n_316844.html)
I just couldn’t believe it. I mean here is a guy who just received the Nobel Peace Prize the day before, largely in part due to his urgency in trying to eliminate nuclear weapons. I think that is an effort to be commended and I am thankful for a President that won’t sit back and let things go by. But what about this nonsense of gay marriages? Are they not in and of themselves nuclear-like in that they destroy families? Is it not so tragic that so many people find their identities in other things than in God? I found myself in a rush of emotions and questions and ready to knock someone’s block off this morning as I heard this. I was thinking to myself: “Since when it is admirable to go against anything that God opposes? After all, this nation was founded under God.” Not only that, but God created marriage as pure and holy, one man and one woman. I was forming my theological argument in my mind and then things began to change in those brief moments as I slipped on my tennis shoes.
I began to feel the nudging of the Lord and the conviction of the Holy Spirit. I was quickly reminded of every time that I choose to sin, I am opposing the Lord. My filthy sin that appears to be so lusterous and alluring to me is seemingly more “admirable” to me than following and obeying God. My heart began to ache at the intensity of the rawness that my heart was feeling as I began to feel exposed with my own filth before God Almighty.
I was reminded of the pure holiness of God and His command to His people to be holy. I was reminded of my own shortcoming. I thought about my own list of admirables in life and I’m not so sure that obeying God fills my #1 slot right now. As I look at our nation with the mass slaughtering of babies daily and the fight for “gay rights”, I am urged all the more into the presence of God. I was reminded of a verse I read recently: “It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God.” Hebrews 10:31
May God have mercy on this nation, a nation that has turned its back on Him. May the blood of Jesus no longer be foolishly wasted on the muck and mire of our lives. May the mighty warriors of God rise up and begin to seek the face of God on behalf of this nation. “For nothing is impossible with God.” Luke 1:37 Will you pray like you believe this to be true? Where are the warriors of God’s army at? Wake up oh sleeping church!
“But my righteous one shall live by faith, and if he shrinks back, my soul has no pleasure in him.” Hebrews 10:38
We may still disagree and perhaps rightfully so, but who am I to cast the first stone?
Dropping my stone…Tara
“You will see a time in which we as a nation finally recognize relationships between two men or two women as just as real and admirable as relationships between a man and a woman.”
-President Barack Obama
(Read more at:http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/10/11/obamas-speech-text-transc_n_316844.html)
I just couldn’t believe it. I mean here is a guy who just received the Nobel Peace Prize the day before, largely in part due to his urgency in trying to eliminate nuclear weapons. I think that is an effort to be commended and I am thankful for a President that won’t sit back and let things go by. But what about this nonsense of gay marriages? Are they not in and of themselves nuclear-like in that they destroy families? Is it not so tragic that so many people find their identities in other things than in God? I found myself in a rush of emotions and questions and ready to knock someone’s block off this morning as I heard this. I was thinking to myself: “Since when it is admirable to go against anything that God opposes? After all, this nation was founded under God.” Not only that, but God created marriage as pure and holy, one man and one woman. I was forming my theological argument in my mind and then things began to change in those brief moments as I slipped on my tennis shoes.
I began to feel the nudging of the Lord and the conviction of the Holy Spirit. I was quickly reminded of every time that I choose to sin, I am opposing the Lord. My filthy sin that appears to be so lusterous and alluring to me is seemingly more “admirable” to me than following and obeying God. My heart began to ache at the intensity of the rawness that my heart was feeling as I began to feel exposed with my own filth before God Almighty.
I was reminded of the pure holiness of God and His command to His people to be holy. I was reminded of my own shortcoming. I thought about my own list of admirables in life and I’m not so sure that obeying God fills my #1 slot right now. As I look at our nation with the mass slaughtering of babies daily and the fight for “gay rights”, I am urged all the more into the presence of God. I was reminded of a verse I read recently: “It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God.” Hebrews 10:31
May God have mercy on this nation, a nation that has turned its back on Him. May the blood of Jesus no longer be foolishly wasted on the muck and mire of our lives. May the mighty warriors of God rise up and begin to seek the face of God on behalf of this nation. “For nothing is impossible with God.” Luke 1:37 Will you pray like you believe this to be true? Where are the warriors of God’s army at? Wake up oh sleeping church!
“But my righteous one shall live by faith, and if he shrinks back, my soul has no pleasure in him.” Hebrews 10:38
We may still disagree and perhaps rightfully so, but who am I to cast the first stone?
Dropping my stone…Tara
Wednesday, October 7
Burning Ones
I have been chewing on a little something recently that I had heard awhile ago. I don't know about you, but there are lots of things that stick out to me when I read the Scriptures. One of my favorite passages of Scripture has always been Hebrews 11, otherwise known as the Hall of Faith. It's like you read about these heroes of the faith who did incredible things for the Lord and their faith in Almighty God was just so huge! I find myself feeling small and insignificant when I read these true accounts, and yet also inspired at what the Lord can do with just a little faith.
I heard something really interesting about this that I had never heard of or thought of before. These great saints of the Bible were really not any different than you or I. They dealt with temptations like we do, they had struggles too. There were things that came up against them that could have rocked their faith, and perhaps it did. And yet there was something so incredibly different. When I look at their pages of history versus my own, I see something so different. By faith, they conquered kingdoms and shut the mouths of lions. By faith, I made it through another day and did 1 little thing that the Lord asked me to do. So where does the difference come in I wonder?
It's time to get raw and honest. You see, the difference lies within us as individuals. According to Hebrews 13:8, Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever. It's not like the saints in the Bible had anything more than we did. Sure, they had Jesus in the flesh. But we also have the Holy Spirit with us today. So what is it that makes the difference? I believe it's a basic question of lifestyle and choice: You see, it's a matter of getting into the fiery presence of God. That is the only thing that changes us. Paying lip service to the King amounts to nothing more than a vocal exercise. Reading the pages of Scripture is seemingly a mere discipline. Going to church is a great thing to do. These are all in and of themselves good things, but it's not the main thing.
The main thing is encountering the presence of the living God. Deuteronomy 4:24 says that God is a consuming fire, a jealous God. It's interesting to note that any time any person has encountered the presence of God, their lives are forever changed. When Moses came down off the mountain, his face shone. When Zaccheus climbed a tree just to physically see this Jesus guy, he came back a day later paying everyone 4 x's what he had stolen. When the bleeding woman touched the mere hem of Jesus' cloak, she was made whole. The saints had a choice just like we do, and they chose it. They went after the presence and glory of God like their lives depended on it.
You see, when you get into the fiery presence of God, everything changes. Hearts are softened, idols come crashing down, sin and chaff are burned up and burned away. And the presence and power and glory of God so infiltrates our lives that it can never be the same. But He will not just hand out His power and His glory like freebies at a garage sale. God doesn't move, we do. God doesn't change, we do. God doesn't limit His people, we limit our God.
So the choice remains. It is my belief that the more you encounter His presence and power, the more His glory is made known and things are so changed. If you just go after God on Sunday mornings and give Him 2 hours of your week, then sure, your faith may not amount to anything more than choosing to be obedient or making it through the tough day. But if you want God bad enough, you are going to go after Him in full force and and with full vigor.
I've heard people say it's sacrifice to go after Him. But is it really? Do we ever really sacrifice anything for God? Sure, we may call it a sacrifice. But once again, we're talking about an Almighty God of fire who sacrificed His one and only Son on our sinful wretched behalf. I don't want to call giving up a tv show to spend time with Him a "sacrifice." How ridiculous would that be.
Forgive me oh God for treasuring the junk of my life and the rubbish of this world over you. Forgive me oh Lord for going after my own goals and objectives with more diligence and persistence than your presence. I'm sorry Jesus for just expecting you to pour out your glory like it's nothing. Oh God, may I not rest or settle for less when it comes to you and the power of your presence. May you wake up this sleeping child of yours once again...in the mighty name of Jesus, Amen.
I heard something really interesting about this that I had never heard of or thought of before. These great saints of the Bible were really not any different than you or I. They dealt with temptations like we do, they had struggles too. There were things that came up against them that could have rocked their faith, and perhaps it did. And yet there was something so incredibly different. When I look at their pages of history versus my own, I see something so different. By faith, they conquered kingdoms and shut the mouths of lions. By faith, I made it through another day and did 1 little thing that the Lord asked me to do. So where does the difference come in I wonder?
It's time to get raw and honest. You see, the difference lies within us as individuals. According to Hebrews 13:8, Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever. It's not like the saints in the Bible had anything more than we did. Sure, they had Jesus in the flesh. But we also have the Holy Spirit with us today. So what is it that makes the difference? I believe it's a basic question of lifestyle and choice: You see, it's a matter of getting into the fiery presence of God. That is the only thing that changes us. Paying lip service to the King amounts to nothing more than a vocal exercise. Reading the pages of Scripture is seemingly a mere discipline. Going to church is a great thing to do. These are all in and of themselves good things, but it's not the main thing.
The main thing is encountering the presence of the living God. Deuteronomy 4:24 says that God is a consuming fire, a jealous God. It's interesting to note that any time any person has encountered the presence of God, their lives are forever changed. When Moses came down off the mountain, his face shone. When Zaccheus climbed a tree just to physically see this Jesus guy, he came back a day later paying everyone 4 x's what he had stolen. When the bleeding woman touched the mere hem of Jesus' cloak, she was made whole. The saints had a choice just like we do, and they chose it. They went after the presence and glory of God like their lives depended on it.
You see, when you get into the fiery presence of God, everything changes. Hearts are softened, idols come crashing down, sin and chaff are burned up and burned away. And the presence and power and glory of God so infiltrates our lives that it can never be the same. But He will not just hand out His power and His glory like freebies at a garage sale. God doesn't move, we do. God doesn't change, we do. God doesn't limit His people, we limit our God.
So the choice remains. It is my belief that the more you encounter His presence and power, the more His glory is made known and things are so changed. If you just go after God on Sunday mornings and give Him 2 hours of your week, then sure, your faith may not amount to anything more than choosing to be obedient or making it through the tough day. But if you want God bad enough, you are going to go after Him in full force and and with full vigor.
I've heard people say it's sacrifice to go after Him. But is it really? Do we ever really sacrifice anything for God? Sure, we may call it a sacrifice. But once again, we're talking about an Almighty God of fire who sacrificed His one and only Son on our sinful wretched behalf. I don't want to call giving up a tv show to spend time with Him a "sacrifice." How ridiculous would that be.
Forgive me oh God for treasuring the junk of my life and the rubbish of this world over you. Forgive me oh Lord for going after my own goals and objectives with more diligence and persistence than your presence. I'm sorry Jesus for just expecting you to pour out your glory like it's nothing. Oh God, may I not rest or settle for less when it comes to you and the power of your presence. May you wake up this sleeping child of yours once again...in the mighty name of Jesus, Amen.
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